You cannot be in the defeatest mode. You cannot let all the anger rush to your head. You need to let it all go. Everyday is battle and you don't need these unnecessary emotions. He may have fucked you over and screwed your relationships but learn from it. Equip yourself with strength from all these harsh experiences and press on. The people who matter will not (I repeat, will not) put you through this pain because they know better and you deserve so much more.