Sometimes I feel so left out in so many things.
Sometimes I may not be the first person you'd want to share things,
or even share with.
Sometimes I am not one who expresses herself well.
Sometimes I may not understand what's going on because,
sometimes it's hella new experience for me too.
Sometimes I keep things to myself.
Sometimes it is easier not talking about it.
And sometimes bottled issues have their limits too.

Sometimes I feel like I'm losing myself and it's hard trying to figure out why. I can choose to accept the new course or spend time regretting and trying to make amends. Sometimes I feel like I've been trying to make up for things but it still doesn't change anything. This needs some getting used to and I'm still learning. I don't know who I've become or what I want to become. Sometimes I ask myself - am I really that bad? Because sure as hell situations are telling me that.

Nowadays I feel like I lead my life to please people. I'm so afraid of taking steps because I don't know if it's going to hurt them. I feel like I'm trying hard not to fail others and it can get very tiring. I'm so scared and I'm tired of being scared. People place so much expectation on me that it's scary. It's always "Dee, do this, do that. gotta this, gotta that", then how about what I feel, the things I want to do, or the places I want to go?

I think my point is, I'm sorry I am not the things you want me to be.

On the lighter note, I took a break from rugby and decide to focus on the things that matter to me. I spent a great deal of time with people I haven't, the only person missing would be Rahil but that is okay because we talk on a daily basis so that's better than nothing. I met the girls over frappe, fries and laksa to play catch-up and it brought back high school memories. We used to sit around a table, shared our food and held conversations for hours :)

I'm really hoping I will be able to meet Rahil this Wednesday because the last time I saw her it was a month ago, I shit you not. This has got to be one of my longest entries, haha!